Let’s continue our discussion about shyness by putting it in perspective. (Read part 1 of the shyness series here.)
Shyness is only a problem if and when you think it is- in other words, if it is hampering your life.
For example, if you’re home alone one night happily reading a book, that’s fine. However, if you’re only at home because you don’t have friends because you’re afraid to talk to people, that’s a big problem.
So the same situation can be a problem or not, depending on how you look at it.
It’s important to distinguish between alone time that’s used for things like work, reading, and reflection – and loneliness, when you’re alone but not by choice.
I’m going to assume you consider shyness to be a problem for you, or you wouldn’t be reading this.
The next major point is that there are varying degrees of shyness; it’s not as simple as being shy or not shy.
Shyness tends to be situational, meaning someone will be shy in some situations and not in others. It’s rare for a person to be always shy or always outgoing at all times and places.
For example, you may be outgoing at parties but very shy about some activity such as making a speech. In some cases this may be more a fear of the unknown or nervousness than actual shyness.
Many performers are considered to be shy, even though they get on stage or in front of a camera with huge audiences. That’s because when they’re on, they’re playing a character or an enhanced version of themselves.
You might be surprised to find that although you consider yourself shy, people who know you well may not see you that way. That’s because we tend to be less shy around friends than we are with strangers. Your friends haven’t seen you when you weren’t with them, have they?
So since “shy” is really just a label rather than a specific thing, here’s a good first step in ridding yourself of the problem- stop using the label on yourself. Stop calling yourself shy, even if you feel that way.
That alone won’t solve the problem, but by continually calling yourself shy (or any other negative label), you are just reinforcing to your brain that you have that negative trait, and your subconscious mind will make sure you act accordingly.
What would happen if you started thinking of yourself as outgoing?
What if you asked yourself, “How would I act if I weren’t shy?” and tried acting that way right now?
Give it a shot.
Watch for part 3 of this series, coming soon.
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